Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
