My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
