i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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