I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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