then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
