I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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