Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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