wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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