Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
