remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
