You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
