it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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