Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
