Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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