i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
