did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
