The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
