i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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