someone threw a dead crab at me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to sanitize my soul.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
