If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
