just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
