So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
