I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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