Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
