thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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