I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
