im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
