Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
