If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
