addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
