maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
