Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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