In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
