I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Every concussion has its silver lining
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
