it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
