escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
