my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
