"it" just moved
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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