all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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