if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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