So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
