Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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