I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We need to get me chipped asap
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