Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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