how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
