I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
