I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
