hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We left the knife in your bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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