ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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