lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
