if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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