hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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