Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
