I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
