Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's no shave November. This is our time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
