I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
