I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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