Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
