I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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